Yes, that’s me.
The BPD that is so highly functioning that it’s almost detrimental because my BPD seems invisible to the normal person. I want to be normal (whatever that may be), not LOOK LIKE I’m functioning normally. It just makes it harder when the mania and depression come full force it’s a shit to let anyone in because they cannot imagine me as crazy (YES, I AM CRAZY). Then we have awkwardness, they don’t know what to do, they feel helpless and I am helpless, so it’s a no win. And then how do you go back, once they see you in mania or depression they can never see you as highly functioning again and every thing you do is watched and analyzed, and a relationship you thought could perhaps have some semblance of calm no longer is.
I wish Canada had never cut mental health services, it used to be you could go to the clinic or mental health support to find that non judgmental safe place , where you could not fear repercussions and have people around to talk to you and understand. But now, you’re either suicidal or you’re not and there is nothing in between. If I walked into the hospital today asking for respite I’d have another mark on my medical record saying I was unstable when all I wanted was comfort.