{April 23, 2012}   Hyper Functioning Invisible Type

Yes, that’s me.

The BPD that is so highly functioning that it’s almost detrimental because my BPD seems invisible to the normal person. I want to be normal (whatever that may be), not LOOK LIKE I’m functioning normally. It just makes it harder when the mania and depression come full force it’s a shit to let anyone in because they cannot imagine me as crazy (YES, I AM CRAZY). Then we have awkwardness, they don’t know what to do, they feel helpless and I am helpless, so it’s a no win. And then how do you go back, once they see you in mania or depression they can never see you as highly functioning again and every thing you do is watched and analyzed, and a relationship you thought could perhaps have some semblance of calm no longer is.

I wish Canada had never cut mental health services, it used to be you could go to the clinic or mental health support to find that non judgmental safe place , where you could not fear repercussions and have people around to talk to you and understand. But now, you’re either suicidal or you’re not and there is nothing in between. If I walked into the hospital today asking for respite I’d have another mark on my medical record saying I was unstable when all I wanted was comfort.


tessf says:

I feel you. And I know it can’t be easy. Have you ever googled DBT to learn some of the coping strategies for us, things that actually help with this disorder? (ANd by that I just mean I know how hard it is to find anything that actually helps with this.) At any rate, I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time finding helip in Canada. The US isn’t much better. Also, here’s a hug from someone who gets it. I’m here for moral support if you need it. xoxo

Thanks Tess-

I have done DBT and CBT, and truly I have an amazing psychologist and psychiatrist and am thankful that I can afford to have both. I feel for people that do not have the finances, and this is what upsets me more, because I know how much is needed to pull through.
Thanks for the hugs, all in all, most days are good and I just need to deal and work hard with the days that sink down.

tessf says:

Oh, I’m soooo glad you can get those. The DBT is so helpful, but it’s such work. The old brain is soo stubborn. . .I keep saying that working the program is like climbing a moutain in roller skates. šŸ™‚

tessf says:

Yeah. We just keep plodding forward and moving towards the light, don’t we? šŸ˜‰

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et cetera
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