{May 14, 2012}   Ache

Still lying here in bed feeling my body ache all on its own accord and too uncomfortable to do more than jus shift and turn wanting to expel the strangeness from my skin. It’s crawling, really crawling tonight, like worms tunneling through me, eating through my heart, sliding under my skin in an insidious slow pace. I want to reach into my chest and pull it out, it’s all so tight in there, my breathe can barely register. Racing up and down my back like mini razor blades cutting up and down my spine that no position satiates.

Mt toes are curled like claws and my back is arched like I’m going to birth the devil itself. If I stop and hold very still I can feel the other shadow running through me and owning me, like bile spilling from my mouth. So tired to fight, just want the pain to go away, tear my hair out, scratch my skin, give in.

Clock ticking please sedative start working. If people only knew what this felt like, I’d take the pain of labour and delivery over this creeping, aching, consuming fight that never leaves my soul. So tired, so so tired and flaming with pressure. Wish I could birth the devil and set it on flames.

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et cetera
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