I got so many comments and emails back about my last 2 posts (and this last week), Live By the Rules and We Love You We Dont Want to Hurt You from BPs who had experienced the same situations in their own lives it made me cry. I was just in this situation with someone I cared for deeply, who could not understand or let me back, thinking that what i did was conscious and below his expectations of what he wanted in a person, a normal person. No matter how hard i tried my words could not explain that it wasn’t me, i was sorry, it was not conscious, i hated what i did, i had to do it to save me, and it did not mean this was a reflection of my person or how i felt about him.
It was hard, if you’ve read the rest of my blog, you know how hard. Having you come back to me and let me know that I am not the only BP who has been misconstrued for our actions, shamed and embarrassed ourselves after the fact, that have hurt others, done in self defence of our mental state, and our partners inability to forgive and forget with open arms has been heartfelt for me, you have no idea how much!! I’m not the only horrible freak out there (said lovingly).
If you were here I would hug you all and tell you, I KNOW, i know how you feel, how you hurt, how you cry and why you had to do what you did no matter how it was viewed from the outside, you were sick, i get it, it may seem so cold and calculating to others, but sick is sick. Tell me your stories, I want to hear them.