it just hurt too much tonight, the mania, the loneliness, trying to get past this period, knowing i need to yo yo, trying to do all the right things. go to work, get going, have the kids, be strong, make jokes, pretend that im ok, not be needy, not be psycho, not ask for help, just do the best i can with what i have. i need to just have a break, just get me away, let me be where there arent so many rules. i failed tonight, it hurt so much inside i wanted to scream out loud, the fact that i had to go out when i didnt want to, that i had another half way to go, that i still have no idea whats coming tomorrow or the day after. that im just tired, tired of being strong. tired of trying to make everyone feel good. tired that no one understands. i should go to group therapy, i need people that get me, get the constancy of this fight.
Failure, tomorrow i need to deal with it. 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
im sorry, im so so sorry. i hope people learn from this, you need people and you need a safe environment.