borderlinegirlliveshere











{June 15, 2012}   Escape from BPD Dodge

Climbing the walls again. Have found some outlet in looking at flights out of the city, like watching TV, but on my laptop. I vacuumed. I did more laundry. Think I’m going to clean the kitchen next, maybe strip all the sheets in the house and wash them. Once that’s all done it may be 6pm and I can think of what to do next. I’ve even run out of work to do.

I did take mum to lunch but she was all worked up about my being unwell that I felt bad for her. I did cover up my cuts so she didn’t have to see any of that. Interesting point, for the first time she actually said to me, you really shouldn’t live here full time, maybe you should go live in my place in Bangkok and work part time, you’re better where it’s warm and people are friendlier. Hello?????! That came from my mother? I pointed out that that would be lovely except for the kids, commuting from Thailand is not easily done once a month. However, it was such a startling thing for my mother to say that I was momentarily gulping like a frog looking at her.

She want to fly me to Bangkok next year so I can get out of North America for a while. Think she wants us both to get away for a bit. Said we could discuss it later, too much happening right now, probably better when it gets cold again here (not that it’s not cold now) like in January.

My cat has this 6th sense. When she knows I’m fine she goes about her merry way, but she can sense my mood shifts, today she has been glued to my side. Right now if she could get any closer to me shed be up my nose. Too bad she can’t talk.

I thought I would go for a walk, I actually did start walking up Granville but it got too icky seeing all the fun stuff to buy in all the windows. Seriously, what I would give to go but some new clothes and shoes, how fun would that be? However, I would still much rather get in a plane and g the hell out of dodge, if given the choice.

I could be stupid reckless and just load up my card, which, would mean when I got back, more stress, but is temporary escape worth it? Tsk task.

Well, think I’ll go start on all those chores and see how long it keeps me occupied before I start to pace and then get angry at people, then feel bad that I’m angry, then think they hate me, then feel neglected, then be disgusted, then want to reach out, then feel stupid and needy, then people are annoyed and then I just clam up and crawl into bed. Woot woot. Fun.

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Life after BPD

Life after Borderline Personality Disorder; making a life worth living through love, laughter, positivity and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

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The secret life of high-functioning borderline personality disorder.

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