borderlinegirlliveshere











{July 24, 2012}   “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.”

Buddha says: “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” Udana-Varga 5:18

I feel like I have failed because no human or animal or living thing needs to be hurt purposely if there is a kinder and humane way to solve a situation. I can say that I have broken one of my own tenants of belief  by following the paths of others and not staying true to what I know. By being worried about people’s external valuations about me, and allowing insecurity and guilt to come to the surface, I chose, purposely to hurt another being. It is my weakness and the disappointment in myself is palpably painful right now that I cannot stop the self flagellation. It is easier to hurt quickly to solve a problem  than it is to find the right path to allow a person to preserve their dignity.

Just because I feel kindness does not mean i have ulterior motives for my actions or my feelings. I know in this world we live in, it is about deceit, deception, selfishness, vanity, and being kind comes with a price, being kind must mean you there is something that you are hiding or wanting. Can we not just be good people, can we not be judged at face value on what we say?

I would not want someone to hurt me to make a point if there was a gentler approach. I am human with tremendous emotions that can hurt me, and I want to accord that same respect to others regardless of how mean, nasty, over bearing or horrid  they may be, that is them, this is me. I want to preserve me, there is enough ugly inside of me that in things that I can control, I want to control them with peace and humanity and I should not mind the judgements people place upon me for my beliefs, but yet my weakness is that I do, I fear their rejection if I do not do as they say, their judgement even when it is false. So I have much growing to do in my soul and the ways of spirituality and for now need to find the absolution in myself for my actions.

Never speak harsh words
For they will rebound upon you.
Angry words hurt
And the hurt rebounds.
Like a broken gong.
Buddha

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