{September 6, 2012}   Alone in the Crowd

How can I be at a bar surrounded by people and with friends and feel so alone and misunderstood. That no one can see the maelstrom inside of me. Cannot see how hard I am working to stay present, to smile, to engage. Within me is a whole other conversation and whirlwind of darker entertainment. The outside shell constitutes no more than 20% of me and 80% is waging its own battle.

I think sometimes people don’t want to talk about it or feel need to mention it.

Omg! I was in that situation just last Saturday. Among a group of fifty or so that I didn’t know, working to keep up an intelligent conversation that I couldn’t hear for the music and talking, my inner voice was having a conversation with itself, asking how people do this with enjoyment…with comfort when it is such work for me. I was so alone among so many. I am so sorry that you know that feeling.

I am learning to know when I should go out and when I stay in. Sometimes it helps to be in a crowd and other times it is even more isolating that being alone. It’s a lot of work some days just trying to keep the smile on and the conversation going, but we can do it!

I think you are right…we can do it. It may be a long process with more ups and downs than we’d like…but we can do it. And connecting our experiences helps us to do just that.

Thank you so much for reading my post and commenting. I do appreciate your time!

Be well and blessed!

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et cetera
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