borderlinegirlliveshere











{December 9, 2014}   Meh

Meh.

Woke up to grey clouds, rain and autumn leaves and the desire to not wake up. Karen Carpenter singing plaintively in my ear “Rainy days and mondays always get down”. Sadly, not possible, though it was 11am. Sleep was again elusive last night, 4am and staring at the walls and watching the movies in my mind. Scintillating but not necessarily fun watching the horror movies over and over again.

Day 3 of not showering and there was no doubt it was time to pick up and throw myself in the shower. No small effort to drag myself into there and get undressed. I made it as far as showering, changing and minimal make-up, trying to do my hair was asking just a wee tick too much. Got into my work clothes and a pair of Uggs. Yes, Uggs. The thought of putting on shoes was akin to making me walk on hot coals. I did all this and then sat down to work at the kitchen table. Yes, odd but true, it was the only was to make myself clean and presentable to myself.

Sad shower

And then, all I did was work. Did not move my ass from the chair to eat or drink till 5pm. Not to say that the mind gremlins did not come out to play, they did. They doodled and dallied, caused some Gremlin moments but sufferable. More sufferable than the additional commentary and blather from work.

I need to pull myself from this depth before the next wave comes. Ive been told that there is no money forthcoming at all in the next 2 months so that should make Christmas and bills fun. I am not sure everyone realizes that we all don’t have husbands to take care of us to be magnanimous.

Fuck magnanimous.

3/90 nothing on this today.

Talkin’ to myself and feelin’ old
Sometimes I’d like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin’ around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

What I’ve got they used to call the blues
Nothin’ is really wrong
Feelin’ like I don’t belong
Walkin’ around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

Advertisements


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
Life after BPD

Life after Borderline Personality Disorder; making a life worth living through love, laughter, positivity and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

confessionsofbpd

The secret life of high-functioning borderline personality disorder.

Bi-polar parenting

Thoughts and ideas

forcing myself happy

One day at a time...for 6 months! :/

%d bloggers like this: