borderlinegirlliveshere











{December 13, 2014}   Eat, Sleep, Work repeat

Rather random.

Ive been rather on my own for the last little while and Ive made some observations.

The house is spotless, I think the clean home, happy mind thing might have some merit. It feels fabulous to come home and have everything be just as it should be. Come home, be home and not do anything past make dinner. Bliss.

I have also figured out exactly what utensils I use. I need a wok, a small fry pan and a rice cooker (which is optional if I had a pot). A bowl, small plate, spoon, fork, knife.

Food. Salmon, prawns, pork. Bok Choy, cucumber, beans. Fish sauce, oyster sauce, sugar, garlic, chillies, onions and lemon. Rice. Eggs. Tea. Water.

Always trying to fit in and put that smile and personality people expect. "you seem so normal" they always say.

Always trying to fit in and put that smile and personality people expect. “you seem so normal” they always say.

That’s all I have used for the last week. Pretty simple.

I do need my iPad and my laptop and an internet connection, sadly. But, if I wasn’t working, a constant supply of books would be just fine.

Oh and my first world accoutrements like hot water, a bed, washing machine and a home 🙂

Stupid observations you have when you don’t have any real conversation with anyone.

I was whacked out tired today after 2am sleep but honestly, I prefer it to the fucked up nightmares and sweats. The night before I had nightmares of being lashed by a whip and being told how hated and useless I was and how I sucked up joy from everyone and ruined happiness. Witch trials manned by people I love. I shudder to remember it, and what i thought was blood streaming off my body when I woke up was sweat. Have to be at work, yes, again, (I can’t wait till Monday) at 10am so sleep is going to be pretty hard to come by, but i think I have my hamster wheel of sleep, work, eat, sleep, repeat repeat repeat on auto pilot keeping me from losing the tenuous grip that I have.

This is why they put people in looney bins, maybe we are happier there. Sleep, eat, interact w crazies, sleep, eat, do same.

7/90

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