I met with my counsellor yesterday and had a great session.
She was very positive about my coming off my daytime meds, Wellbutrin and Cipralex. She was horrified at how bad the withdrawal must have been. Oh yes, it was hell on earth and she was the only person that actually clued in how painful withdrawal was after being on medication for over 14 years. I was with someone at the time, they didn’t notice.
We discussed, why am I working for a bunch of people who don’t appreciate me, invalidate me, second guess me and then disbelieve me. I have not had a positive word in 10 months just what I should do, should not do, why am i doing, how to do, where to do and don’t believe you. Sounds fun right?
My counsellor advises I need to stop worrying about them and what they think of me and set my boundaries and limits. If the stress and pressure don’t change after XX (I am supposed to figure out what is a good timeline to give myself to see change) I have to take a deep breath and walk away. It’s hard to walk, I feel obligated but more than that I love the business, I just hate how its being handled right now and it makes me unhappy. Corporate brains trying to smash a round peg into a square hole, me included, never going to happen, not sure they’ll ever figure that out. But, its my baby and I care about all the people who work there, and they’d be devastated if I left, probably leave too, which would be dismal all around. I feel like I have a responsibility to the brand, the previous owner and what we built from nothing. The new owners say everything is crap, but this tiny, new store went from a nothing to the best in the city carrying the best names in the business. It didn’t happen with a spreadsheet, it happened with hard work, intuition, talent, creativity and people that believed in you. I don’t have the desire to work for people who don’t believe me.
I think I just said it (damn I love writing).
I don’t want to work for people who don’t believe in me. I also don’t feel the need to prove myself. I proved myself in this industry long before these people came in to re-invent the wheel.